Sunday, July 24, 2011

Lay Off The Judgment

 When we go out and about, I'm always faced with a dilemma.  Do I stand next to Timmy and remind him to quiet down, to not talk out of turn?  Do I stand next to Timmy and remind him not to make little noises?  Do I stand next to Timmy and push his hands back down when he starts to lift them and make funny hand gestures?  Do I stand next to him and keep my hand on his shoulder so he doesn't bounce up and down?  Do I stand next to him and remind him to enunciate his words properly?  Do I tell him not to make funny faces and head tilts?
Do I do all of these things, to try to make him into the perfect child that everyone else will accept?

"He's perfect just the way he is.  If people can't accept that, then it's their loss."  This is what my mom said to me today when I was crying on the phone about this.  Can you see, now, why I love her so freaking much?  She is so wise.

Last night was the end of VBS.  They had a big program at the church.  There was singing, dancing, magic, presents, food, etc.  Timmy was very excited.  He loved VBS.  Timmy loves dancing.  LOVES it.  He sorts resembles a rabid cat on ecstasy when he dances, but that is just fine. I think it is pretty cute.  He could dance for hours.  So he is dancing to the music ... and I see people giving him "the look".  You know the one.  The one where their distaste for his actions are written all over their faces.  Yeah, there was even an eyeroll or two.  After the dancing was the magic show.  Timmy LOVES magic.  He was bouncing up and down in his chair in excitement.  A couple times he even said stuff like "I know how you did that!"  Again ... the looks.
Here's the thing ... he wasn't being naughty.  He was enjoying himself.  He wasn't hurting anyone.

Please, just accept my child.  Please don't make me feel like I need to force him into the "perfect child" mold that you think all children should come from.  He isn't going to fit into it.  Me trying to force him to, will just make him miserable.  Me trying to force him to, will just make me miserable.  Everytime I go out in public, I worry about what will happen.  I worry he will do something to make others start up with the looks and eyerolls.  There are days that he does do something that I can almost understand the eyerolls.  If he is having a meltdown or something ... I could understand.  We've been in that situation, and definitely saw the looks.  That, to me, is more understandable.  But when he is behaving himself?  When he is just having fun?  When he is at a kid's function?  Can't people just lay off the judgement and lay on some love and understanding?  It would go so much further in people's lives, that is for sure.


  1. I get this! I just had this experience the other day. I was letting the kids play in the fountain (One of those that are meant to let th ekids play in) well Jay was bigger then most of the other kids and the other moms were giving me looks. He was not doing anything that was wrong other than enjoying himself and being big which he can't help. The eyes rolled, the tisk tisk among themselves. I was upset and was going to call him over and then i stopped myself and said screw it. Let my boy have fun and screw them! It was great!

  2. Boy do I ever hear you on this post. I actually just blogged about it last month! A mother at the park yelled at my 7 year old Aspie for not having good manners. When I tried to explain that he was on the spectrum she yelled at me and informed me that being on the spectrum was not an excuse for not having good manners.

    Check it out

  3. Keep your head up, your son is entitled to have fun like any other child. Any one who wants to deprive a child of fun isn't worth your worry :)